Just broke up with Girlfriend

Just split up with my girlfriend and went out with the lads on a Thursday night. Met this new bird and had a good smooch. It turns out that it's her 18th on the Sat and she's having a bbq at her mate's and invited me and me mates along. We were all working at Safeway at the time and told her we'd come along afterwards! Anyway the Saturday comes and we finish work at 8 pm and decide to drink a few bevvies on the way. I was in a bit of a Guinness phase at the time and bought an 8-pack of Guinness. I think I must have drunk most of them by the time we got there and felt quite half cut. When we arrived SHE was also none the best for wear, as her mates had bought her a bottle of blue label Smirnoff and some shot glasses. We ended up in this box room doing shots together and ended up totally mullered. Next thing I remember we were in her mates parents' room naked, giving tongue pie. Me not having had it for a while thought I'd go down below for a spot of lunch. Well, I was nobbling away and all of a sudden I could taste blood! "GOD," I thought, "the bitch is on the BLOB!" Then all of a sudden I realised that it was actually my blood and I had gone and got a nose bleed! Not wanting to spoil the moment and ruin any chance of a bit of horizontal tango, I figured it'd be best to try and sniff the blood back up me nose. So there's me under the duvet giving it the biggest sniffs you've ever heard and wiping me nose on her thigh. Eventually it stopped bleeding, but it looked like a morgue down there so I decided to come up for air and a clean up. As I came up. I grabbed her head and shoved it under the duvet as if to say "your turn" and I managed to wipe my face as best I could on the back of the pillow. Anyway, she's down below enjoying a huge wedge of puppy fat and blow me, if I don't accidentally let rip with the loudest Guinness fart you've ever heard. I was actually pretty impressed with it at the time, unfortunately she wasn't! Apparrently "that was the last straw" and I was "some kind of freak!" She grabbed a long T shirt and stormed off downstairs back to the party. However I wasn't going to give up the bootie that easy and slapped me boxers on and chased after her. Now just picture it as she walks into the party wearing only a T shirt and with blood dripping down her leg. Then I come running in after her with blood all over my face mumbling something along the lines of "I'm sorry! This doesn't mean we're not going to have sex, does it?"

---

Jack Dating May 08, 2024 at 3:55 pm 0 0